As we evolve and mature on our personal journey, it is natural to outgrow our sacred inner circle of relationships. As we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our values, we may find that some friendships no longer align with who we have become. This doesn’t diminish the significance of those friendships in our past, but rather highlights the importance of honoring our personal growth.

Outgrowing people doesn’t mean dismissing their worth or devaluing the memories shared; it simply means recognizing that our paths have diverged. By embracing this evolution, we create space for new connections that resonate with our present selves and support us on our continued path of self-discovery and self-actualization.

Embracing Midlife’s Potential

Midlife, my dear friend, is not a time of stagnation but a time of incredible potential. It’s a transformative phase where we shed the expectations and limitations of youth and step into a new chapter of self-discovery and fulfillment. We have learned valuable lessons from our past experiences and have a deeper understanding of our authentic selves. Now is the perfect time to harness this wisdom and let it guide us towards personal growth. Our inner circle has a huge impact on this time of life.

The Impact of Friends on Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of personal growth. It’s about understanding our strengths, weaknesses, values, and aspirations. If if you have outgrown friends who once did this for you (or have never done this for you), you are missing the opportunity to share your dreams and get the critical support you need.

inner circle - Live Outrageously
Katie and Becky, both my former dance students who became my very dear friends later in life.

Refreshing your circle of support and seeking out “mountaintop” friends at this moment can help you unlock new self-awareness and ultimately help you embrace this vibrant chapter of your life with others on the same journey.

By surrounding ourselves with trustworthy and intentionally healthy relationships with unique people, we expose ourselves to diverse perspectives, new ideas, and thought-provoking conversations. This exposure helps us gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, challenge limiting beliefs, and step into our full potential.

How do we start the process of refreshing our Inner Circle of Support so we can continue to grow?

Identify Your Sacred Circle of Support

A sacred inner circle of support is a deeply cherished group of individuals who hold a special place in our lives. They are the trusted confidants, the pillars of strength, and the unwavering sources of love and encouragement.

inner circle - Live Outrageously

What sets this circle apart from close friends, family, or even very supportive friends is the profound level of intimacy, understanding, and vulnerability that exists within it. These are the people who know us inside out, who have witnessed our growth, and who truly see us for who we are. They provide a safe space for us to share our deepest fears, dreams, and challenges without judgment or hesitation. This inner circle is built upon a foundation of mutual respect, unwavering support, and unconditional love.

While close friends and family play vital roles in our lives, your Sacred Inner Circle of support goes beyond that, offering an unparalleled sense of acceptance, wisdom, and spiritual connection. They are the soul companions who walk beside us on our journey of self-discovery and self-actualization, celebrating our triumphs and lifting us up during the darkest moments. Their presence is a sanctuary of trust, providing us with the strength and courage to embrace our authentic selves and navigate life’s complexities with grace and resilience.

inner circle - Live Outrageously
Little did these women know when they first met in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower that they were meeting soul sisters!

Identifying the individuals who belong to your sacred Inner Circle can be a deeply personal and intuitive process. Here are some key characteristics and signs to look for:

  1. Unconditional Acceptance: These individuals accept you for who you are, flaws and all. They embrace your authentic self and love you without judgment or conditions.
  2. Trust and Confidentiality: Your sacred inner circle consists of people with whom you can share your deepest secrets, fears, and dreams, knowing that they will honor your trust and keep your confidences confidential.
  3. Empathy and Understanding: They demonstrate a genuine and deep empathy towards your experiences and emotions. They make an effort to understand your perspective and offer support and comfort when you need it most.
  4. Consistent Support: These individuals consistently show up for you during both joyful and challenging times. They provide unwavering support, whether it’s through listening, offering advice, or simply being there as a comforting presence.
  5. Shared Values and Growth: Your sacred inner circle aligns with your core values and supports your personal growth. They encourage and inspire you to become the best version of yourself, and their presence in your life contributes positively to your overall well-being.
  6. Intuitive Connection: There is a natural and intuitive connection with these individuals. You feel a deep sense of resonance, understanding, and spiritual connection when you are in their presence.
  7. Reciprocity and Balance: Relationships within your sacred inner circle are characterized by mutual give-and-take. There is a balance in the support and care provided, with both parties contributing to the nurturing of the relationship.
inner circle - Live Outrageously
Jessica and I met when she popped into one of my tap classes. Since then, she has walked through the fire with me — divorce, cancer, you name it.

Pay attention to the people who consistently demonstrate these qualities and who bring joy, love, and a sense of deep connection into your life. While it may take time to cultivate and identify your sacred inner circle, trust your instincts and surround yourself with those who uplift your spirit and hold space for your growth and well-being. Remember, it’s quality over quantity when it comes to nurturing these treasured connections.

Letting Go of Relationships

As we embark on this ultra-important journey of identifying and refreshing our inner circle, it is crucial to recognize and release relationships that no longer reflect the list above. To the women who are hanging on to inauthentic friends and family, I like to say:

Let them go so you can grow.”

This can be challenging, as we may have invested significant time and emotional energy into these connections. Our fears about hurting someone, causing unnecessary conflict in our social circle, or losing our “place” in an old friend’s world keep us from taking action. Because of this, many of our dead-weight relationships simply fade away without any closure or worse, continue on as a toxic drain on our energy every day.

However, prioritizing our well-being and personal growth necessitates letting go of friendships that are no longer enriching so we can embrace healthy, uplifting relationships.

Letting a friendship fade or come to an end can be a sensitive and challenging process, but it is possible to navigate it with grace and compassion.

First and foremost, it’s essential to honor your own feelings and intuition. Take time to reflect on why this friendship no longer aligns with your values or supports your personal growth.

inner circle - Live Outrageously
Use your best judgment. Some relationships can end with a hug, and others may be more toxic and require communication at arms’ length.

When the time feels right, have an open and honest conversation with your friend, expressing your feelings and concerns in a kind and non-confrontational manner. Be attentive and listen to their perspective as well. If both parties acknowledge that the friendship has run its course, it may be best to mutually and amicably let it fade or end.

Remember to be gentle with yourself and offer yourself compassion throughout the process.

It is 100% okay to prioritize your well-being and seek connections that align more closely with your current journey. Allow yourself to embrace the space that opens up for new relationships and opportunities to flourish in your life.

Cultivate New Connections

The actual “refreshment” part of this project lies in the joy of connecting with new, inspiring individuals who align with our values and aspirations. Seek out communities, groups, or events that resonate with your passions and interests. Engage in activities that bring you joy and introduce you to like-minded souls. By actively seeking new connections, you open doors to fresh perspectives, support, and opportunities for personal growth.

How Can I Find New Friends?

I hear it all the time from my coaching clients: “I just don’t know how to make friends anymore.”

Finding and making new friends as a middle-aged woman can be an exciting or completely terrifying journey, depending on your perspective.

It’s like anything new – start with what you know.

  • Explore your own interests and passions, as these can lead you to like-minded individuals.
  • Join clubs, organizations, or classes centered around your hobbies or activities you’ve always wanted to try.
  • Attend local events or community gatherings where you can meet people with similar interests.
  • Embrace online communities and social media platforms that cater to your specific hobbies or goals.
  • Engage in conversations, participate in group discussions, and reach out to individuals who resonate with you.

PRO TIP: Some of the greatest lifelong friendships began on retreats that focused on personal growth — a natural container where like-minded women are bound to surface!

inner circle - Live Outrageously
The OG Outrageous Paris Retreat sisters, strutting their stuff. More than a year later, they talk nearly every day.

Be open to new experiences and embrace opportunities to connect with people from different walks of life. Remember, friendship is built on mutual respect, trust, and shared values, so take the time to cultivate meaningful connections. Be authentic, genuine, and open-hearted, and you’ll attract kindred spirits who appreciate and value the amazing woman you are.

As you seek out new connections, be open to the beauty of diversity. Engage in conversations that challenge your perspectives and broaden your horizons. Embrace the richness of shared experiences and wisdom from women who have walked different paths. By opening your heart and mind to new relationships, you will discover a tapestry of inspiration and personal growth that will fuel your journey.

Nurture Existing Relationships

While refreshing our inner circle of trust involves embracing new connections, it’s equally important to nurture existing relationships that have stood the test of time. Cherish those friendships that have weathered the storms of life and continue to provide love, support, and understanding. Invest time in these relationships, celebrate milestones together, and foster a sense of shared purpose and growth.

inner circle - Live Outrageously
My darling sister in rhythm and tap dancer extraordinaire, Michele

These treasured connections are the foundation of your support system, the anchors that remind you of your strength and resilience. Celebrate the depth of these friendships, invest time and energy in them, and continue to grow together, fostering a sense of shared purpose and excitement for the future.

Breathing new life into old friendships is a beautiful way to deepen and sustain meaningful connections:

Firstly, communication is key. Take the initiative to reach out regularly, whether it’s through phone calls, video chats, or meeting in person. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly and listen attentively to your friend’s stories as well.

Inner Circle - Erin - Live Outrageously
My friend Erin and I in NYC. We met when our kids were in kindergarten!

Secondly, create opportunities for shared experiences. Plan outings, trips, or activities that you both enjoy, allowing for new memories to be made and a sense of adventure to flourish.

Lastly, practice empathy and understanding. Life circumstances may have changed for both of you, so be compassionate and supportive as you navigate through different stages. Show genuine interest in their lives, celebrate their successes, and offer a listening ear during challenging times. By prioritizing open communication, shared experiences, and empathy, you can revitalize old friendships and cultivate a renewed sense of connection and love.


Remember, you are deserving of an Inner Circle of support that uplifts, encourages, and empowers you. You deserve relationships that celebrate your unique journey, honor your growth, and ignite your passions. And we NEED these to reflect back our own brilliance to us!

In the realm of personal growth, there is no finish line. It is an ongoing, ever-evolving journey. Refreshing your Inner Circle of trust and support is an essential, occasional step in this transformative process, one that will help propel you forward toward your true potential.

Keep your Inner Circle sacred — full of joy and love — then watch as you blossom into the incredible woman you were always meant to be.

We cannot become ourselves by ourselves!


  1. Great Read And Great Advice. Going though a divorce sure showed me what an inner circle is! I cherish each and everyone. I have a necklace I gave each of them that they are “ My Tribe, My Supporters “ and I couldn’t have made it through without them

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